I Laid Down Last Year…

I’m calling my far away friends with no news. It still ends up being very comforting. I spend many hours on my telephone, worrying about what the waves will do to my brain. My Spotify is shuffling through to find the Weezer songs that I have saved. I’ve been contradicting myself, dying my hair darker to match the season change, hoping I don’t fade with it.

Is there a reason we are all obsessed with autumn? It could reside in the color-changing leaves falling to the empty sidewalks, mimicking the death of a season. It resinates inside as we grow with the trees, halting for winter. It could be our waiting for the holiday season, bundling up with hats and gloves and holding our steaming cocoas. We long to be around the ones that we love, spirits lifting out of the bodies we left in the summer hoping to find a new one in January. Most never swaying from our overwhelming need to better ourselves while we make excuses for what we used to do and used to be. Another trip around the sun gives undeniable hope to the withered and worn out. This time will be different.

Maybe it’s bullshit, maybe it’s needed. Who’s to say it can’t be both?

Whether you believe it or not, a shift in the weather always invites change. Something deep inside our souls ignites a flame. We follow it to find a new human, a new identity. It’s far more complicated in real life. I know I always dread summer and the heat, so I welcome autumn with widely open arms. It always feels very comfortable to be busy during the warm weather, but as soon as the rain or snow starts to fall, the door closes and we all stay inside of our homes and our bodies isolating what we have left after the storms to show the new year an improved human. Sometimes this does work and sometimes things get worse. There is a stigma around mental health and the way we talk about it with our loved ones. I think it should change immediately. But that is for a different post.

I recently spent Halloween with my very best friend and we noticed strange changes between this one and our past shenanigans. It could have been where we were or who we were with, but I think it was mostly us at the center of a shift. A shift that we couldn’t see coming. A shift toward normality, toward growing and I don’t know a thing that is scarier than that, no matter how old you are or where you are in your life. I still had a blast but it was definitely different. But to move on, I had a grand time with my favorite buddy as we reminisced about past holidays and our memories surrounding favorite bands and high school activities we shared. Good times, right?

This marks almost six months since I have posted on this website and I apologize to my mom, obviously, because if she’s not my biggest fan, no one will be. It’s getting harder and harder for me to keep up with new habits no matter what they are, but the blog definitely takes that cake. It’s been too long and maybe this is a reintroduction. But probably not, just a random upload about my love for fall (kinda). Let’s make this one a good one, folks. Everybody stop making New Year’s resolutions and just fucking do the shit they really want to do, me especially. I will try to be back soon and I hope everyone is doing well. May all the upcoming holidays be less shitty than the ones in your past. Love y’all.

Also, here is the one and only photograph I took this Halloween. I think it’s hilarious.

SongOfTheSeason:

The Shaking of Leaves by Into It. Over It.

Stay Radical,

Paige